"The Truth" by Bathsheba

Jake never lets everyone know the entire truth. Yes, he’s very handsome and cute, and that’s why the little charmer gets away with so much with Mom and Dad. Most of you know that Jake gets fed outside. Well, it’s technically outside, but it’s a lovely deck that’s partially covered. It even has a tree growing through the middle of it. And in the warm months it has a jungle of plants. So don’t feel sorry for him that he dines outside because it’s really very nice out there.

Years ago, we used to be fed together in the kitchen. An even LONGER time ago, there were three of us kitties. Once it was just the two of us, Jake got meaner and meaner to me. At EVERY meal, he had to chase me around and slamdunk me on the kitchen floor as Mom prepared our breakfast or dinner. It was very annoying! Mom and Dad would yell at him, but I think they thought it was kind of cute or something. It wasn’t like that fake wrestling on TV; this would hurt! Once our food was served, Jake would inhale his, then push me out of my dish and try to eat my food. Eventually Mom and Dad decided that we should be separated when we eat. (Well, duh!) At first Jake was fed in the laundry room next to the kitchen, but I think that Mom thought that was too close to the litter box. So they decided to put his food outside. And I don’t think that should change just because a couple of raccoons like to sniff around and put their paws on Jake’s empty food dish. I like eating in peace, and I need to take my time eating.

While I’m giving you the dirt on Jake, I might as well tell you that there’s another reason that he stays out a lot. He doesn’t seem to understand the value of a litter box. He sometimes seems to think that the WHOLE house, especially the fireplace room, is his litter box. He liked to spray on the end of the old sofa, so Mom and Dad had to get rid of that. He messed up the carpet and made it reek ,so they had to replace that. He even had the audacity to pee on Dad’s old music stand. (He was "fixed," so that wasn’t the issue.)

To digress a little, let me tell you that Dad came to live with us when Jake was just a baby. He was NOT a cat lover and even had mild cat allergies, but Jake the charmer got him to love us. Jake was his "little man," and they had somewhat of a symbiotic relationship (and still do). Dad works from home so he’s with us all the time.

Jake’s little "problem," however, caused havoc in our home, and Mom and Dad were beside themselves as to how to deal with it. The vet said there was no medical problem. Dad said we couldn’t put up with it despite his obvious love for Jake. Mom and Dad decided that they’d just have to make Jake more of an outdoor cat. He could only be in the house under supervision (just the opposite from most of our internet friends). He had a lovely warm cat bed, cushiony deck chairs, and even a cat scratching post perch to sleep on or in. Well, this sort of worked, but Jake would then do things like spray on the barbeque grill. Eventually the little charmer managed to weasel his way back into the house again.

(Full disclosure: I must admit that I’ve occasionally had a wetting problem myself, but mine were all medically related.)

So now Mom and Dad are door service for Jake. If Jake scratches on the sliding glass door, they are right there to let him out so that he won’t go to the bathroom in the house. And then if he scratches to come back in, if they hear or see him, they’re right on it. Prince Jake, at your service.

Sigh.

~Bathsheba